Yesterday at the retinal specialist's office, I was the youngest person there.
Of the patients waiting there were three women, including me, who appeared to be single. I thought smugly of the people sitting there, disengaged from the person they came with, see? I don't need anyone to ferry me around. Ha. I am not some scared, frail chickadee.
There but for the grace of God go I, I think today.
But I do know today that having someone there with me who gave a damn about me, more specifically a male person, would have been of some comfort. Maybe I should have let the Schnorrer stick around. I briefly missed The Man From the North Country because I know he would have been all up in someone's face, asking questions that hadn't even occurred to me. Xman would have been working/playing on whatever electronic toy had most recently captured his fancy. He would have been concerned but he would never have shown it. In fact, there might have even been some heavy sighs and feeling of weariness at having to accompany me to the doctor yet again. (The last time was in 1998 before I had a hysterectomy, so give a girl some credit here.)
Now I think, meh. I could get myself to the doctor and back. I had lentil soup for dinner. I'm fine, I tell you, fine.
I took today off working, saying good-bye to the last of my vacation days. I was still tired from yesterday. This morning I took myself out for breakfast at the diner. Came back home, got back into bed at around 8 and slept until 2:30. Something about yesterday just really took it out of me.
My eyes are adjusting to The New Normal. It seems like the prescription on my new glasses has already changed. They were fine before yesterday. Really? Can Yesterday's Incident cause that? Or am I still recovering from the Mighty Dilation? ("Always the Great Eye, watching.") Enh, whatever. I have tomorrow planned out, the whole day, and I'm really looking forward to it.
Part of the New Normal is a floater exactly in the center of vision in my right eye. When I move my eye to "look" at it, it flits away, perpetually playing a game of keepaway.
I've been told to expect more incidents like yesterday's. This does not make me happy. When I'm feeling scrappier, I'm going to investigate retinologists (is that a word?) and neurologists. If I have blood floating around in my eyes where it doesn't belong, where else might it be?
I am glad I talked to Emma last evening. She was appropriately concerned
and said that if needed, she would find her way to an airplane and get
on it, not realizing that I love her for her good intentions but that
her very presence stresses me out even more. Sad.
Oh, I indulged a brief Scenario of Hysteria. What if I get glaucoma? What if I go blind? (The percentages of that are really, really low but not as low as those of me winning the lottery.) How will I keep my job? Can I keep my job? Is there someplace I can go to learn how to be blind before I become blind? Would I have to move so I could be closer to the bus line? Right now it's a mile and a half walk. So I let that particular wild hare bounce around until it exhausted itself.
I'm hungry. I hope I can find something in the larder better than lentil soup but I doubt that a full-grown carrot cake sprang up in my refrigerator while I napped. Damned refrigerator fairies.
4 comments:
A gal I worked with used to get these. Other than not driving while it is happening the only thing they told her is that she needed to drink plenty of water as dehydration was bad for the condition.I had a couple in China when I was super stressed and dehydrated. My last vision check said I was a candidate for glaucoma, they just keep an eye-ha ha-on it so they can get it before too much damage occurs. Guess it causes loss of peripheral vision.
I always have a bottle of water at hand.
I like the idea of learning to be blind. And I think blind people get right on to disability. And you'd get a guide dog!
Why vacation day? Could it be a sick day?
Your worries are exactly why I moved closer to Daughter.
So, when's the appointment to get the carotids scanned?
FMC - I like your Devil-may-care attitude. And you're right, I don't drink enough water.
Queen - I know! But they wouldn't give me a dog until I was legally blind. I live within 30 miles of the dog training school.
Silk - Vacation day because it works like this:
2 Paid Time Off days are given to you at the beginning of every quarter. If you don't use them by the end of the year, they disappear.
Vacation days - this year, I've had to accumulate them pay period by pay period. In 2013, God willing, I will get 10 vacation days at the start of the year. I can carry one over but have to take it by the following March. I can also cash one in. There are no sick days. That's just the way it works. I know a woman who had used up all of her vacation and later had to spend two days in ICU. She wasn't paid for those two days. It isn't even worth whining about.
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