Not like I used to be when I lived with my mother and lived with Xman. I suppose that was walking on eggshells.
It's good to have a diagnosis that fits, even if I don't like it. (Bipolar. Ugh.)
However.
The downside of this is that I have to question every flash of genius that I have. I could try to look at it, judge it, and say either "That's a fantastic idea!" or "Hm. Sounds good." But I shouldn't trust either response. Of course, there are always the "Are you out of your mind?" responses to things like "Hey, let's go to the base camp of Everest!"
I look back over my life and hindsight being 20/20, I see the things that came about due to a fatal moment of mania. One was thinking I could be a good project manager. That came about because I answered one question, ONE question, in a book about project management. From there came a long string of manic moments that got me deeper and deeper into trouble. Is it any wonder that now I'm constantly second-guessing myself?
This will be a subject to take up with Dr. A once the new year and my new health savings account kick in.
What is the litmus test for a manic idea as opposed to a rational one?
Granted, my manic moments involve things like (see the above) buying a bracelet for $70 or saying "I can do that" before someone has even completed the sentence.
The past six months or so have consisted of me turning down things for fear that accepting them will get me up to my neck in things I can't do.
I can see where that will lead me if I continue down that path and I'm not keen on the final destination.
2 comments:
Um. That's a hard one, since some great ideas are, well, great ideas, and you don't want to throw them away out of fear. Maybe you need someone to run ideas past before jumping on them, but that could be difficult. And dangerous. I, for example, would say, yeah, buy the bracelet. Go to Mt. Everest. Life is short. Not helpful.
I am so with you. I didn't like my manic label AT All - but I'm still the same person now they've dropped it to just depressed. I think they need to use a numbering system. I'd be 8 depressed, 2 manic. My brother is 4 depressed, 6 manic.
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