The Nuclear Option

I am going to be vulgar and discuss money.

Right now, I have a very handy $1,700 in my checking account. I am also $18,000 in debt on my home equity line of credit with not much further to go than that with my HELOC. Virtually nothing in savings.

My mortgage payment is $1,200 / month.

I have Unemployment Insurance of $17,000 available to me in weekly chunks of $650, but that won't start until May 3.

I have nothing of value to sell. At the moment, I am not going to go back into pet sitting or having a roommate. If I got a part time job, that could extend the money available to me. I'm thinking retail although I know I don't have the physical stamina to do it.

So the nuclear option, the drop the big one now option, is getting rid of most of my crap, packing up the remnants and putting it into storage, and moving in with Cousin Kay in Richmond. I haven't mentioned it to her yet. I think I'm waiting for clearer signals. After all, it's only been a week. I've had three phone calls of interest (one offered me $17/hour less than what I had been making and I can't live on that, roommate or no roommate). I need to get back to them because I think the people who had been interested went with another candidate and I want to know officially if that's the case.

I have considered suicide but I won't do it unless I know the cats are squared away. And must talk with Dr. A and with a priest.

I've also done all kinds of practical things. I can go to the local food pantry tomorrow. My phone bill has been immediately sliced in half. The garbage pickup company has reduced my rate somewhat. Comcast gave me bupkis. I am considering getting rid of that but that's my only job hunting resource. Yes, I can go to the library and Panera. It's still an option.

Although it's chilly in the house this morning at 64 degrees, I have turned off the heat and told myself to like it or lump it.

I could retire in June but the money available to me wouldn't be enough to cover my expenses here. I would still have to move.

I have a good support system. My pal from the old, old workplace, Emma, the Queen Bee and especially the Prince Consort who is giving me all kinds of great pointers about interviewing techniques.

Oddly, I don't feel sorry for myself. I feel like I'm looking at things objectively. I could live like this for maybe another three months, then drastic action must be taken.

Oh, must finish my will first. Who gets how much of this piece of pathetic pie? I feel like all I would leave behind are debts.

Maybe I will drop the big one. But not just yet.