The last two days have been nothing but one big fart joke.And I would be the joker in question.
I don't know what I ate that caused me such, um, intestinal distress. It's true, I've gone pretty heavy on the fiber stuff lately. I want to be good and virtuous when I go to the grocery store, so I pick up all this stuff that's extra double whole wheat with bran clumps in it and I am a human whoopee cushion.
I've been sitting at my desk, doubled up. It's a tricky business, trying to sneak into the ladies' room and just let loose. For one thing, everyone on this floor knows each other by sight and sometimes by shoes. For another thing, for about 75 women on one floor, there is one ladies' room. And of the three stalls, one of them is usually broken.
Luckily, we have a hand dryer in there since the "renovation" that must have the decibel level of a Rolls Royce jet engine. That's when you take an opportune moment to let nature do what it must. Sometimes, this can involve a long wait in the stall.
Would you just finish up over there and go wash your hands? Please?
Worst of all is when there's a line, waiting to get into the two stalls. I then must hie me down to the second floor. The second floor is rented by several tiny companies and a federal government agency visited by angry people. I got stuck in the elevator with five of them one day, including a three day old baby. It was not a happy time.
So of course, I take the stairs, which is an adventure in and of itself. And I have to tell you, even though there's no dog around to blame, anything goes in the stairway.
Yesterday I gobbled Gas-X tablets like they were Tic-Tacs. I have also begun to back off most of the food I normally eat. Rice, yes. Organic milk, yes. Pus milk from the fridge at work, no. The "Go, Kashi!" (how apt!) cereal box in my desk drawer has been left alone.
Today was much, much better, but I don't think I can live on rice and bananas for all that long.
2 comments:
You know, I'd say 50% of my visits to the work bathroom are for #1, 20% for #2, and the rest for the passage of gas. Would that be #1.5?
Oh, my! I had that problem for three or four days a week or so ago, but I live alone with visits only from Nugget and Daughter, who don't care about stuff like that. I can't IMAGINE it in a crowded office! Cringe! Oh, the pain!
It could be the fiber (unlikely given that oatmeal doesn't bother you, but still possible), but if you have switched to sugar-free nibbles, watch out for sugar alcohols. They'll do that, too. Even the tiniest bits.
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