There were three distinct modes of dress at the Borgata.
The first is Granny at the Slots. This involves pedal pushers, Dr. Scholls Orthopedic Sandals, occasionally accessorized with a Jazzy scooter.
The second is Jersey Boy from the shore. Look at a picture of Kevin Smith. It's a look that hasn't changed for thirty years, chiefly because of Kevin Smith and a weird mixture of fan boy geek and Guido (thinks) chic. The look must contain shine - either from the hair or the bling or the shorts. Inevitably, the wearer is somewhere between 30 - 45 and thinks the only time he'll ever be in a suit is when he's dead.
And then at around 7 pm, the putanas come out. I caught an episode of "Jerseylicious" during my afternoon siesta and thought, this has to be put on. This can't be real. The fake bake. The crazy dresses made of ACE bandages, the heels so high...well. Just so high. When I came downstairs for dinner, it looked like the entire cast of Jerseylicious had moved in.
This can't be real, I thought. People really can't dress this way. Can they? Why?
I come from the age of She Was Asking For It, so seeing a woman dressed like this in real life is shocking to me. Yes, I thumb through Vogue from time to time, but I never believed anyone ever dressed like this.
And yes, I had thought the shoes in MTM (?) Shoes or DWS were jokes. Seriously. Who on earth would want to risk a broken ankle to wear a pair of shoes? (Yes, I did wear platforms in the 70s. I admit. And I stopped the first time I fell off them.)
Terrible old lady/old hippie things were running through my mind...cheapen themselves...look like whores...actually think that's attractive?...does her mother know she's - oh. That's her mother with her...
There are, I realized, a lot of very pretty women out in the world. Unfortunately, most of them look like employees of expensive (and not so expensive) escort services.
I think this explains a lot about how I never did well with online dating...
Putanas. There are a lot of putanas in AC.
Oh and I'm so glad I sprang for the Crosby/Nash concert. Because I just learned that they'll be playing tomorrow night at a venue half an hour away from my house.
Gah.
2 comments:
As I understand it, bands are now able to go online and see where their albums are selling and what state is buying the concert tickets. So, you were probably the person in Jersey who pushed C&N to book in your state.
Come on, you had an experience and half an hour away would not have cut it.
I do remember the scooters and wheelchairs, that was sad but the Jersey Boys and wanna be hookers must be new.
One thing good about living a country very few people who speak English is walking with Big Daddy and saying hooker, hooker, trash, Oh My God is that guy in his underpants?
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