Can I Hear You Now?

Today, I made an appointment with an audiologist.

This was hard. This was way hard.

I've had hints that some people do not much appreciate my repeatedly cawing "WHAT?" at them. And RCW begged me not to become That Old Bat. Which I am in danger of becoming.

Really? I'm hoping that the audiologist will look at me in exasperation and say, "Well, if you just paid attention, you wouldn't have any problems!"

I don't want to be deaf. I don't want to be hard of hearing.

I don't want hearing aids. I hate things behind my ears. I have a Bluetooth thing I used once and only once because there is not much real estate behind the old ear flaps.

I don't want to be old.

At work, I'm willing to lay a good 30% of my problems on being unable to hear people. Over-talk conversations in meetings drive me crazy. People talk to fast. I'm always on a five second delay when I talk to the Indians because

1.) The accents are so varied that I don't know if I'm going to be hearing West Bengali, Sri Lankan, or Gujerati accents.

2.) The Indians speak very very very softly.

Put that on a conference speaker phone and I'm completely adrift.

This has been a huge, huge frustration with me. And if you get those timid Indian ladies who insist on speaking while looking at the floor, I'm lost, too.

I am embarrassed. I am ashamed. I somehow feel like I've failed.

And I deeply hope that when I report back from the audiologist on Wednesday, my situation will be a lot clearer.