Toes in the Squishy Mud

Yes, there is always lower to go, but I think this is as low as I want to go. Well, I don't even really want to be here.

I have available to me maybe $230. Because I missed the deadline for my time sheet for this week and because I missed two days last week, I'll be getting 2/3 my usual pay, if I get paid this week.

I just took Dylan to the vet. The bill was $221. I wonder how I'm going to get back and forth to Big Finance (I'm learning it's $6 / day in gas) on $8.

Dylan has been acting weird lately. He's been sleeping in the basement. In the morning, he isn't all over me. Instead of sprawling over what I'm writing, he goes off to a corner of the living room and snuggles into a kitty bed. Yes, he is my favorite. And yes, every day, I am conscious of having failed Katy.

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Nominee for Best Faker Calling Out Sick

That would be me. I woke up last Thursday and when I tried to say hello to the kitties, I could barely croak out Gussy's name. I didn't want to go to work anyway. I had been feeling a depressive episode creeping up on me. (Gee, I wonder why?) And Thursday, I was just too tired to fight it anymore.

I knew my voice would clear up in maybe three hours, so I called my boss and told her I was sick. It was early enough so I knew she wouldn't be in.

I slept a lot on Thursday.

On Friday, I had company coming and before anyone hit the road, I texted "Forewarned is forearmed. I'm depressed and not in the way you've seen me before."

Reply: "Is there a clean place to sleep?"

Me: "Not yet, but there will be."

I am more grateful than I can say for the company I had this weekend. I curled into a corner of the sofa and this time, I was the one that got pet, not the infernal cat.

By Monday, I was feeling human again and recognized the contributing factors to that episode and have since remedied it.

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I have a new project at work. One of the systems analysts (?) is going to India for four weeks and she's supposed to cram all of her knowledge into my head by next Tuesday.

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Say what? I know I'm just about deaf in my right ear. The left one seems to be doing okay. One of the frustrating things in the documentation handover is that every single freaking one of these women talks like she's whispering to a sleeping baby she's afraid to wake.

I checked with Rosie and she experienced it, too. I have asked and asked these ladies to kindly speak up a bit. And for two words, they would and then it would be just lost to me.

I went to my consultant on all things Indian, Parminder, and I said, "Parminder, why are all these ladies so soft-spoken?"

He laughed. "Oh, that is because they are at work. Let me tell you, it is something completely different at home."

Bring it, ladies.

Honestly, I don't know what to do. There are only so many times that I can ask people to please speak up. After that, it embarrasses me. A lot. I put my hand behind my ear, trying to funnel the sound in. I'm starting to feel lost because I wan in a meeting with three Indian women yesterday and each one of them spoke softer than the other.

I don't know what to do.

I can have my hearing checked but I can't afford what I guess a hearing aid costs.

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Today, spent entirely too much time worried about money. I'm tired of it. I'm really, really tired of it.