Grounded

Yesterday's shopping jones was soothed with little trouble and even less cash. I went to the Goodwill store (which seemed to be greatly lacking in Goodwill... "What the hell happened to the pizza in the back room! There were nine pieces left and a whole nother pie and goddam it, it's all gone!" from one of the cashiers.) I found a blouse in my size, that's still fashionable, that was brand new (tag from Apt. 9 still on it) and cost four bucks. With the great CD raid, for a whopping $14, I scratched that itch.

This morning, a cursory glance at my bank account made me realize that I am not going anywhere today. I had thought about going to a movie but no. I got "Crazy Heart" out of the library yesterday.

I also have an inexplicable urge to go to the Revlon company store, which is close by, but I know any attempts just to window shop will be in vain. I don't wear much makeup, but I do like lipstick and I know before I got out of there, I would have spent more money than I meant to. ("But they discontinued my favorite color! 'Berry Reliable'. They only had six left!" I can hear myself already justifying it.)

The temptation is strong, too, to go to Oak Tree Road for Indian this, Indian that, and threading. When Katy died, I was wearing a purple sparkly tunic from Oak Tree Road. When I got home, I took it off and threw it away, knowing I wouldn't be able to get the blood stains out of it and even worse, would remember the whole horrible scene every time I wore it. Out it went. Sentiment wins over practicality.

Hey, here's an idea! How about I stay at home? Treat myself to a long, steamy shower. Do laundry. Finish up the dirty dishes. Clean out the fridge. It's a never ending list, but it should make a difference, however small, if I just did some of these things. And be nice to myself because I know very well that life is perfectly capable at pushing me into a ditch any time it wants to.

After all, Stephen King and I had a long date together yesterday. I'm only about a third of the way through Under the Dome. I'm being beyond excellent about not skipping ahead or making quick peeks into the last few pages. Meanwhile, have begun praying, please don't let it be The Tommyknockers redux. Please.

And Dylan is still upset. He's been very clingy for the last 24+ hours and I think he might ease up if I stick around more. Does he miss Katy or is it some general angst in the atmosphere?

Plenty to do. No rush to do it. And about time that I was nice to myself, wouldn't you say?