Father Fatty Kicking It Old School

Before Father Fatty was the pastor of St. Fatty's, there was Father MumbleInGerman.

I didn't like him, mostly because I was embarrassed and annoyed that I couldn't understand him. The priest shortage stalled a replacement, along with Father Mig's firm belief that everything was fine, thank you, just fine.

Since Father Fatty's arrival, there have been slow and subtle changes. Well, some not so subtle. Mostly, I like.

The pitiful organ had been practically in front of the altar. Now, it's down in the chapel and - surprise! - St. Fatty's actually has a beautiful pipe organ. It's absolutely majestic.

Also, moving it made more room when going for Communion.

After Communion, the priest no longer does the dishes on the altar, but goes to a little table toward the back, turns his back on us, and takes care of them. This deprives me of the little thrill of watching a man do the dishes, but I understand where this is coming from.

I don't know if this is a change for Easter (yes, we're still in the Easter season), but suddenly, statues have appeared on either side of the altar. One of the sacred heart of Jesus, another St. Somebody. I'm sorry. I don't know who St. Somebody is. He's holding a bunch of flowers. Also, a statue of Padre Pio, who is very popular around here.

Now when the offerings are brought up to the altar, the ushers don't drag boxes and baskets of groceries intended for the parish food bank with them.

I am very, very grateful for this: There are no more Bad Guitar Masses. I cringed whenever I saw a certain woman skulking about, because it always meant a bad guitar Mass. She was the guitarist and she was bad. Enthusiasm does not translate into talent. With the revival of the pipe organ, I think Bad Guitar Woman is gone. Yay.

And today, Father Fatty shocked the parish by announcing that he's initiating tithing.

Being raised a southern hardshell Baptist, I knew what tithing was. But apparently, some Catholics don't even know how to pronounce it. Tithing means given the first 10% of your income to God. (Translation: Give us your money. Now.) And it's before taxes. The Catholic Church wants 5% and trusts you to give the other 5% to a charity you find worthy, and no, that doesn't include that poor girl at the Badda Bing who's working her way through law school.

My take on it is that I render under the IRS the things that are the IRS' and unto God, the things that are God's. Yeah, I could be hawking up some more money for St. Fatty's, so I will.

I'm guessing that a lot of people felt a little bomb go off when they heard what they're expected to do, but this is old news to me.

After Mass, people were avoiding Father Fatty in droves. I told him I thought he was brave and that, being raised a Baptist, it was a concept I was familiar with.

He said, "We'll see how it works out. We'll see how many letters I get this week" and laughed.

I like Father Fatty. If he's the one who got rid of the "This is Jesus" over the statue of the crucifixion, I say carry on.