Here Goes!

Hurrah, hurrah! Welcome in 2010 with open arms!

I've made resolutions, but you likely won't know about them until they're close to being done. No more agony of defeat, and that's a major attitude change.

It's remarkable that I now think of myself as having A Plan. I never planned before because something always came along and bollocksed it up. It could have been my mother playing mind games with me, my ex-husband deciding he wanted to go off to Hollywood to be a producer, or some company laying me off.

The very path of my life and my happiness were determined by other people for far, far too long.

I know that there are plenty of cynical things to say about planning - "Life is what happens when you're making other plans", "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans." "A man, a plan, a canal, Panama."

But not making any plans and not doing the work along with that got me solidly into the fix I tried to get out of for the last ten years. That's way too long to spend in that misery.

One thing I know about myself is that when I make up my mind to do something, absolutely nothing gets in my way. When I knew I had to move into my own place, I had not only gotten approved for a mortgage, but found a house and moved into it in two months exactly.

Once I reach escape velocity, nothing can hold me back. Not even gravity.

I have decided one new thing and it's an absolute:

I will never again be laid off.

Right now and going forward, I think of myself as a contractor. Right now, I'm subcontracting to OmniPharma. If I get a better gig, I can hie myself to it. Me. My interests. My profit. My reputation. That's at the forefront of my working self's mind these days. Me. Not Geraldine. Not Former True Boss. Not because I feel sorry for Cheryl or worry about Wes. Me.

This is The Big Decade for me. I feel like I'm opening my arms wide and jumping into a great big beautiful blue David Hockney swimming pool.

I ask myself if it's mania and I've decided that I don't care. I'm trying to control the velocity, but sometimes I just zoom ahead of myself. And isn't it about freaking time?

Yes.