On My Own

One of the challenges of being newly single was going out by myself, especially to a restaurant or to a movie. I'd never been to New York on my own except for work.

So I made myself go out. The first couple of times, going to a restaurant was tough. But I made it easy by going to a place I had been before, a small family place. I went a little earlier than their busy time. I took a book with me. It got easier with practice. I haven't been to any posh places by myself but have considered making a reservation for Gordon Ramsay's London in NYC.

I go to a couple of places fairly regularly. I talk to my server, try to get the same one, and if the service is good, I over tip. A lot. This guarantees me a warm welcome and good service for the next time I come in. Even at Dunkin' Donuts.

Over time, I got so used to being on my own that I booked a trip to Paris myself. A coworker, a long-married woman about my age, was horrified when she heard. "I'll go with you," she said, which took me aback a little. "You shouldn't be out in those places alone." The Eiffel Tower? I shouldn't be in the Eiffel Tower by myself? You're kidding, right? I told her I would be glad of her company if she wanted to come along, but secretly hoped that her husband would talk her out of it. He did. Thank you, man I've never met.

99% of the time, I love the freedom I have. I don't have to wait for anyone else to wake up, to slowly make his way into the bathroom and emerge ready for the day. I don't have to play the "I don't know, what do you want to do?" game. I don't have to rush home from work to start dinner. If I want to go to a movie at 10 on a Saturday morning, I get up and go.

I think it helps that I was an only child. I had to find my own fun at home and entertain myself and so haven't had a problem with that in my adult life.

There are some things that I am wary of doing on my own. I would like to hike some of the trails around here but I won't do it by myself. I would find a meet-up group to do that. There are some things I wouldn't do even with company, like go into Newark or Camden (rated this year's Most Dangerous City! Go, Camden!).

But going out by myself is not only no biggie, most of the time I enjoy it. E and I used to go out and about together and I missed that for a little bit. I'm over it now.

Lately the only thing that holds me back from doing things is the cost. And I find plenty of alternatives. Right now, I count at least nine.