Flat

Okay, first of all, do not send me any comments asking me if I'm taking my meds. I am. Faithfully.

I don't think this is depression. I think this is exhaustion.

Phase 2 of The Science Project is done. I'm sure we've got at least two more to go before we're done, but I believe phases 1 and 2 were the toughest.

During the past week, I've endured New Age lectures from both Former True Boss and Fireman Fred while shut up in a conference room only a little bigger than my bathroom. It was like spending an evening with Torquemada after he'd smoked a lot of weed and been to a couple of "encounter" sessions.

Amazing gyrations were performed to avoid affixing any blame. Grammar was tortured to avoid the use of a pronoun that might indicate gender.

In New Age-ese, I think what was being said was that Yentl was a loose cannon. I say Yentl is not just a loose cannon but Chernobyl on wheels. I think I was being told to not even try to get her to manage herself to dates on the project, but just extensively note what changes, how it impacts future dates, why the changes are made, etc etc.

FTB said, "No one's going to lose their [see? grammar torture!] job over this big date that was just pushed back."

And again, if I were a cat, my ears would have been back flat on my head.

Yesterday Fireman Fred dropped by for our usual morning therapy session. He said, "I was afraid that was a trigger when FTB said that about no one losing their job."

Blithely, I said, "Not a prob. If I ever get laid off again, it's lights out." How's that for emotional blackmail? Well, it wasn't said as such.

I've just realized I cannot go through that again.

Fred's shoulders slumped just the tiniest bit.

"Look," I said, "You don't need to worry about talking me down off the ledge."

I go through each day. I get as much done as I can at work. I'm taking my lunch now. I poured scalding coffee over my hand the other day while trying to fix coffee to take to work, but other than that, Xtreme Thrift seems to be moving along. PBJs don't even register as such anymore. They're just food.

I wonder what would restore me. Well, I know the never-fail answer to that - affordable travel. That will have to wait. I have another month to get through before I can even think about packing for Happy Valley.